Articles on Inside The Male Mind

By Dr. Lynn Margolies

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Family IssuesShame, Guilt, & Compulsive BehaviorsInside The Male MindMen’s IssuesMidlife Crisis

10 Ways to Stop the Spiral of Self-Destructive Behaviors

Breaking out of self-destructive habits requires deliberate action – not willpower, talking, or insight alone. Escape behaviors are often an unconscious attempt to avoid shame and other difficult feeling states, but when they become habitual, they fuel more shame and isolation. Unwanted behavior patterns can develop a life of their own but can be tackled with practical neuroscience-based tools that leverage the way the brain works.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Shame, Guilt, & Compulsive BehaviorsInside The Male MindMen’s IssuesMidlife Crisis

5 Simple Steps: Get Control Over Shame & Self-Destructive Behavior

Shame is: “I am bad” vs. “I did something bad.” Hidden shame often drives self-destructive behaviors and other psychological symptoms such as rage, avoidance, or addictions.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGuilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s Issues

A Boy Divided

We can all probably easily recognize this story as a clear case of a child being put in the middle between divorced parents. But what can be done?…Children can have qualitatively different attachments with each parent. Research consistently shows that a secure attachment with a parent or other trusted adult can ameliorate the effects of troubled attachments and trauma, creating new experiences and new pathways in the brain.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Couples IssuesCouples TherapyRelationship IssuesDifficult ConversationsFamily IssuesMen’s IssuesInside The Male MindMidlife Crisis

Apology Not Accepted: Why “Sorry” Won’t Get You Off the Hook

Learn the psychology behind bad apologies (and a simple formula for success).
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetAffairs & FantasyDifficult ConversationsFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s Issues

Being a Grownup When Your Kid Hates You

This column tells a story based on a composite of real-life situations in therapy to represent both teen and parent viewpoints on anger and guilt in families during divorce. Sabrina, 18, was a freshman away at college. Shortly after she arrived at school she found out that her parents had just split up. Sabrina also soon discovered that her dad had been having an affair since she was in high school, and was still involved with the other woman.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Assertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s Issues

Competing Family Loyalties

As the child becomes an adult, a mother with an anxious, insecure attachment style may refuse to let go, secretly needing to remain the primary love attachment. This may not become apparent until her son find a romantic love partner and devotes himself to her, allowing a competitor to enter the scene. The situation is then often enacted in full drama around family events and holidays when the mother’s explicit demands, and (unspoken) expectation of “loyalty” (e.g. exclusive love) from her son, conflicts with his role as a husband.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Attraction & RomanceBoundariesCouples IssuesCouples TherapyInfidelityRelationship IssuesAffairs & FantasyAssertiveness & BoundariesMen’s IssuesInside The Male MindMidlife CrisisUnlocking Potential

Dear John (or Jane) Text/Emails: Closing the Door After an Affair

An affair that is suddenly exposed or suddenly ends poses a particular risk situation for the vulnerable marriage with an unfaithful spouse. In the aftermath of an affair, feelings of loss, conflict and pressure can make it difficult to let go of the illicit relationship, compounding the lure that led to the affair in the first place.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesAssertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s IssuesUnlocking Potential

Easy Steps to Reconnect: a Guide for Emotionally Avoidant Dads

Empathic ability, or “mind reading,” develops in the brain when parents know how to translate their children’s reactions and respond in a way that helps them regulate their emotional states. This process also involves helping the child understand what is happening in interpersonal situations. The child then digests and internalizes these experiences, building the capacity to make sense of themselves and relationships, as well as manage their emotions.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
BoundariesCouples IssuesCouples TherapyInfidelityRelationship IssuesAffairs & FantasyMen’s IssuesInside The Male MindMidlife Crisis

How Can You Mend a Broken Marriage?

Crisis forces us to mobilize – or face even greater pain, and thereby offers newfound opportunity for growth. When marriages approach destruction, the painstaking work of self-evaluation and behavior change seems worth it.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Risk, Danger, & Self-Destructive BehaviorTeens & Young AdultsInside The Male MindMen’s IssuesUnlocking PotentialPopular Psychology Topics

How to Overcome Obstacles to Change

We all are faced at times with trying to persuade other people, or ourselves, to change a behavior. BUt our efforts and good intentions can leave us feeling frustrated and helpless. Why is it that people don’t just do what is needed to change unhelpful patterns, even when they promise to do so and it’s obviously in their best interest?
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Teens & Young AdultsAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismInternet PornographyAffairs & FantasyAssertiveness & BoundariesShame, Guilt, & Compulsive BehaviorsMen’s IssuesInside The Male MindUnlocking PotentialPopular Psychology Topics

How to Resist Temptation & Be More in Control

There are two states of mind we can be in when it comes to temptation: zooming in and fantasizing about the rush, or zooming out and seeing the broader picture of how things will play out if we act on our impulses. Knowing where our actions will lead before a tempting situation takes hold gives us a chance to make an informed decision.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Assertiveness & BoundariesMen’s IssuesInside The Male MindMidlife Crisis

In the Doghouse… Again: Male & Misunderstood

Why do men so often find themselves in the doghouse with women? They try to please. They try to say the “right” thing. They do favors, buy gifts, work hard, and aim to live up to their responsibilities as a man.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
BoundariesCouples IssuesRelationship IssuesAssertiveness & BoundariesMen’s IssuesInside The Male Mind

Manipulative or Unaware? Inside the Male Mind

Some men have a pattern of instinctively accommodating and then becoming resentful and acting it out – often without realizing it. Men vulnerable to this dynamic may have limited self-awareness or skills to communicate their needs and feelings directly. Secret rebellion against feeling controlled can manifest unconsciously through forgetting, lateness, silence, irritability. Learn how to read the signs so that you can protect your relationship and prevent negative cycles of disconnection and hidden conflict.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Assertiveness & BoundariesMen’s IssuesInside The Male MindMidlife CrisisTherapy 101

Men’s Issues: How Therapy Can Help

There are aspects of men’s experiences that are particular to being male. In working with men, it is important for a psychologist to understand the differences in men’s experiences, what men need, and how to best help them achieve their goals.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Couples IssuesCouples TherapyInfidelityRelationship IssuesFamily IssuesMen’s IssuesInside The Male MindMidlife CrisisUnlocking Potential

Midlife Crises Affecting Men & Families

Midlife crises can occur in both men and women but take a particular form in men facing identity crises, often spilling into family life.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Couples IssuesCouples TherapyInfidelityRelationship IssuesFamily IssuesMen’s IssuesInside The Male MindMidlife Crisis

Midlife Crises Can Lead to Growth, Destruction

In midlife crisis men often feel lost or trapped. Learn how men can navigate crises, avoid destructive choices, and find genuine fulfillment.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Assertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesMen’s IssuesInside The Male Mind

Outlawed by Your In-Laws

Failure to set appropriate boundaries with a mother often results in persistent in-law conflicts and problems in the marriage. Many marital issues fall into this category and can be traced to habitual boundary difficulties between mothers and sons which spill over into the man’s relationship with his wife.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Family IssuesMen’s IssuesInside The Male Mind

Power Plays Between Brothers & Families

Authoritarian parenting and parental aggression, requiring submission and obedience, can backfire. Forcing obedience breeds aggression, resentment, and the need to escape through disobedience or becoming submerged. Also, children internalize blueprints from the family. Experiences in the family become imprinted in the brain, serving as templates for future relationships.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Couples IssuesRelationship IssuesMen’s IssuesInside The Male Mind

Selfishness in Couples: Narcissism, Lack of Interpersonal Skills, or Something Else?

Selfish behavior or lack of empathy that looks like narcissism can be a manifestation by hidden hurt and resentment caused by insideious unresolved marital issues.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Assertiveness & BoundariesDifficult ConversationsMen’s IssuesInside The Male Mind

“That’s an Ugly Shirt. I’m Just Saying”

Lately the annoying expression “I’m just saying” keeps coming up in everyday conversation. The remark preceded by “I’m just saying” is unsolicited and provocative. “I’m just saying” creates a confusing interpersonal dynamic. The speaker unconsciously attempts to trick the listener into believing an altered reality in which he or she is blameless, and the listener is implicitly accused of having an unfounded reaction.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies