Articles on Parenting Challenges

By Dr. Lynn Margolies
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Getting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Parenting ChallengesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

10 Easy Ways to Get Along With Your Teen

Practical tips for dealing with teenagers to build trust, respect, and better communication.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Limits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

3 Easy Ways to Get Your Teen to Talk and Listen

Parents get intimidated when their teenager refuses to talk or shuts down conversations. Here are 3 simple tricks to get your teenager to talk, listen, and engage in a two-way conversation.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGuilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s Issues

A Boy Divided

We can all probably easily recognize this story as a clear case of a child being put in the middle between divorced parents. But what can be done?…Children can have qualitatively different attachments with each parent. Research consistently shows that a secure attachment with a parent or other trusted adult can ameliorate the effects of troubled attachments and trauma, creating new experiences and new pathways in the brain.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily Issues

A Counterintuitive Approach to Your Irritable Teens

In order to help teens, we must accurately diagnose why a particular teen in a particular context is irritable or reactive – rather than respond in a reflexive way.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetAffairs & FantasyDifficult ConversationsFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s Issues

Being a Grownup When Your Kid Hates You

This column tells a story based on a composite of real-life situations in therapy to represent both teen and parent viewpoints on anger and guilt in families during divorce. Sabrina, 18, was a freshman away at college. Shortly after she arrived at school she found out that her parents had just split up. Sabrina also soon discovered that her dad had been having an affair since she was in high school, and was still involved with the other woman.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Being a Wise Ally for Your Kids

How do we deal with getting our loved ones to do what we want them to do? In all relationships we feel the tension created by this dilemma. The subtext of interactions between parents and children facing conflict shapes the template kids develop and carry with them.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Getting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Limits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesRisk, Danger, & Self-Destructive BehaviorTeens & Young AdultsFamily IssuesPsychology NewsSubstanceYouth

Binge Drinking During Adolescence Primes the Brain for Alcohol Use Disorder in Adulthood

Teen drinking alters brain development, increasing anxiety and cravings, and heightens risk for adult alcohol use disorder and addiction.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Getting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Parenting ChallengesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Bonding With Your Teen: a Hidden Opportunity

How can we tell whether our reactions are coming from our own unresolved issues versus “legitimate”?
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGuilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily Issues

Breaking Up With Your College-Bound Teen

Feeling rejected, worried, or fed up with your college-bound teen? You are not alone. Here’s what to do.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesAssertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Can a Parent Have Too Much Empathy?

Many people experience vicarious distress when imagining other people’s reactions, which can hold them back from taking needed action in those relationships.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetAssertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Courage & Limits With Your Teen

Recognize that, though they will say otherwise (and that’s ok), teens feel protected by limits. No one likes feeling out of control without anyone strong enough to help them.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Parenting ChallengesApproaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietySeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Crisis of Confidence in a Teen: It’s a Family Matter

This story is about a teenager who undergoes a crisis of confidence, after her identity was challenged by a sports injury. Her resulting difficulties challenged the well-being and stability of the whole family.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesAssertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Daughters Growing Up, Mothers Growing Scared

Difficulties with separation often are activated during developmental transitions such as the first day of kindergarten, adolescence, high school graduation, leaving home and finally, marriage. At these junctures, mothers need to step back and let go, allowing their children to mature and transition to the next level.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesRisk, Danger, & Self-Destructive BehaviorTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily Issues

Does Your Teenager Want to Get Caught?

This is the story of a kid who feels propelled to act out – yet equally powerful is his unconscious need to get caught. The essence of what’s needed is to listen and respond to danger in a firm and caring way. Protection occurs through interested, open, informed, pro-active, non-judgmental conversation – and appropriate limits delivered in a non-punitive way. The research finding that a close, supportive relationship with parents (as perceived by teenagers) is the most protective measure against underage drinking, sexual activity and violence is good news for us and no surprise.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesAssertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s IssuesUnlocking Potential

Easy Steps to Reconnect: a Guide for Emotionally Avoidant Dads

Empathic ability, or “mind reading,” develops in the brain when parents know how to translate their children’s reactions and respond in a way that helps them regulate their emotional states. This process also involves helping the child understand what is happening in interpersonal situations. The child then digests and internalizes these experiences, building the capacity to make sense of themselves and relationships, as well as manage their emotions.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGuilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetADHD & Executive Function DeficitsFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Executive Function Problem or Just a Lazy Kid: Part 1

A common denominator and basis of all executive functioning is the ability to hold things in mind, step back and reflect. Without this capacity, it is difficult to have perspective, judgment, or emotional control. Therefore, admonishing or punishing children who are not following the rules because of limited executive function is not only ineffective, but leads children who are already frustrated and discouraged to feel bad about themselves and unsupported.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGuilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetADHD & Executive Function DeficitsFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Executive Function Problem or Just a Lazy Kid? Part 2 — Parent Tips and Guidance

Without accurately understanding children’s behavior, parents and teachers may intervene in ways that compound the situation, creating a control struggle on top of the original problem. To be effective in helping children, we must accurately diagnose the problem and be curious about what is happening: What is causing this behavior? Though defiance and executive function deficits can look the same on the surface, a problem of defiance is handled differently than a problem of limited capacity.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily Issues

High Speed Parenting With Teens – A Common Cause of Broken Connections

Parents are vulnerable to misinterpreting difficult situations based on their own feelings and the literal, often misleading message they perceive from teens. Without knowing how to decode a teenager’s behavior, and when feelings get in the way of perspective, we can react in ways that make situations more volatile.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Parenting ChallengesApproaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Teens & Young AdultsAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

How Parents Can Help Teens Under Academic Pressure (and 5 Common Traps)

When grades are slipping and teens don’t seem to be taking action, it’s easy for parents to react from frustration and helplessness. Under pressure, we can fall into common traps without realizing it. These common instinctive reactions, even if they feel justified, add to a child’s anxiety and discouragement, destabilizing them and further reducing motivaton.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Parenting ChallengesRisk, Danger, & Self-Destructive BehaviorTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetPTSDTeenage SuicideTraumaFamily IssuesShame, Guilt, & Compulsive Behaviors

How Parents & Teachers Can Help Prevent Suicide in Teens

Although we don’t usually think of suicide as contagious, one of the strongest predictors of suicide in youth is the suicide or suicide attempt of a friend or family member.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies