Articles on Approaching Difficult Topics

By Dr. Lynn Margolies

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Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Limits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

3 Easy Ways to Get Your Teen to Talk and Listen

Parents get intimidated when their teenager refuses to talk or shuts down conversations. Here are 3 simple tricks to get your teenager to talk, listen, and engage in a two-way conversation.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGuilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s Issues

A Boy Divided

We can all probably easily recognize this story as a clear case of a child being put in the middle between divorced parents. But what can be done?…Children can have qualitatively different attachments with each parent. Research consistently shows that a secure attachment with a parent or other trusted adult can ameliorate the effects of troubled attachments and trauma, creating new experiences and new pathways in the brain.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily Issues

A Counterintuitive Approach to Your Irritable Teens

In order to help teens, we must accurately diagnose why a particular teen in a particular context is irritable or reactive – rather than respond in a reflexive way.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetAffairs & FantasyDifficult ConversationsFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s Issues

Being a Grownup When Your Kid Hates You

This column tells a story based on a composite of real-life situations in therapy to represent both teen and parent viewpoints on anger and guilt in families during divorce. Sabrina, 18, was a freshman away at college. Shortly after she arrived at school she found out that her parents had just split up. Sabrina also soon discovered that her dad had been having an affair since she was in high school, and was still involved with the other woman.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Being a Wise Ally for Your Kids

How do we deal with getting our loved ones to do what we want them to do? In all relationships we feel the tension created by this dilemma. The subtext of interactions between parents and children facing conflict shapes the template kids develop and carry with them.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGuilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily Issues

Breaking Up With Your College-Bound Teen

Feeling rejected, worried, or fed up with your college-bound teen? You are not alone. Here’s what to do.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesAssertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Can a Parent Have Too Much Empathy?

Many people experience vicarious distress when imagining other people’s reactions, which can hold them back from taking needed action in those relationships.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetAssertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Courage & Limits With Your Teen

Recognize that, though they will say otherwise (and that’s ok), teens feel protected by limits. No one likes feeling out of control without anyone strong enough to help them.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Parenting ChallengesApproaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietySeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Crisis of Confidence in a Teen: It’s a Family Matter

This story is about a teenager who undergoes a crisis of confidence, after her identity was challenged by a sports injury. Her resulting difficulties challenged the well-being and stability of the whole family.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesRisk, Danger, & Self-Destructive BehaviorTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily Issues

Does Your Teenager Want to Get Caught?

This is the story of a kid who feels propelled to act out – yet equally powerful is his unconscious need to get caught. The essence of what’s needed is to listen and respond to danger in a firm and caring way. Protection occurs through interested, open, informed, pro-active, non-judgmental conversation – and appropriate limits delivered in a non-punitive way. The research finding that a close, supportive relationship with parents (as perceived by teenagers) is the most protective measure against underage drinking, sexual activity and violence is good news for us and no surprise.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsDivorceGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesAssertiveness & BoundariesFamily IssuesInside The Male MindMen’s IssuesUnlocking Potential

Easy Steps to Reconnect: a Guide for Emotionally Avoidant Dads

Empathic ability, or “mind reading,” develops in the brain when parents know how to translate their children’s reactions and respond in a way that helps them regulate their emotional states. This process also involves helping the child understand what is happening in interpersonal situations. The child then digests and internalizes these experiences, building the capacity to make sense of themselves and relationships, as well as manage their emotions.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGuilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetADHD & Executive Function DeficitsFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Executive Function Problem or Just a Lazy Kid: Part 1

A common denominator and basis of all executive functioning is the ability to hold things in mind, step back and reflect. Without this capacity, it is difficult to have perspective, judgment, or emotional control. Therefore, admonishing or punishing children who are not following the rules because of limited executive function is not only ineffective, but leads children who are already frustrated and discouraged to feel bad about themselves and unsupported.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGuilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetADHD & Executive Function DeficitsFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

Executive Function Problem or Just a Lazy Kid? Part 2 — Parent Tips and Guidance

Without accurately understanding children’s behavior, parents and teachers may intervene in ways that compound the situation, creating a control struggle on top of the original problem. To be effective in helping children, we must accurately diagnose the problem and be curious about what is happening: What is causing this behavior? Though defiance and executive function deficits can look the same on the surface, a problem of defiance is handled differently than a problem of limited capacity.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyLimits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily Issues

High Speed Parenting With Teens – A Common Cause of Broken Connections

Parents are vulnerable to misinterpreting difficult situations based on their own feelings and the literal, often misleading message they perceive from teens. Without knowing how to decode a teenager’s behavior, and when feelings get in the way of perspective, we can react in ways that make situations more volatile.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Parenting ChallengesApproaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Teens & Young AdultsAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

How Parents Can Help Teens Under Academic Pressure (and 5 Common Traps)

When grades are slipping and teens don’t seem to be taking action, it’s easy for parents to react from frustration and helplessness. Under pressure, we can fall into common traps without realizing it. These common instinctive reactions, even if they feel justified, add to a child’s anxiety and discouragement, destabilizing them and further reducing motivaton.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Parenting ChallengesRisk, Danger, & Self-Destructive BehaviorTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetPTSDTeenage SuicideTraumaFamily IssuesShame, Guilt, & Compulsive Behaviors

How Parents & Teachers Can Help Prevent Suicide in Teens

Although we don’t usually think of suicide as contagious, one of the strongest predictors of suicide in youth is the suicide or suicide attempt of a friend or family member.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Guilt & AnxietyParenting ChallengesInternet PornographyRisk, Danger, & Self-Destructive BehaviorTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetDifficult ConversationsFamily IssuesMen’s IssuesUnlocking Potential

How to Be Protective When Your Son Thinks He Is Gay

Parents don’t have the power to influence whether their child is gay or not, but do have the power to influence how their child feels about themselves. A close relationship with parents has been found to provide the best insulation from dangers in the outside world.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Limits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesAcademic Pressure & PerfectionismTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetAssertiveness & BoundariesDifficult ConversationsFamily IssuesUnlocking Potential

How to Influence Teens Who Cover Up

What to say to teens who think everything is none of your business or other porcupine tactics that shut parents out.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Approaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Limits & BoundariesParenting ChallengesSeparation IssuesTeens & Young AdultsUnderstanding the Teenage MindsetAssertiveness & BoundariesDifficult ConversationsFamily Issues

How to Live With Your (Newly Returned) “Grown-up” Child

Families are in transition now as college age kids that used to be living at school are returning home. Many parents are struggling with how to live with their kids who are often bolder now and have new ways of living and acting that pose a problem for parents. This column is a response to many parents requesting help with how to approach and word unwelcome conversations with their.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies
Parenting ChallengesApproaching Difficult TopicsGetting Teens to Talk (and Listen)Assertiveness & BoundariesDifficult ConversationsFamily IssuesUnlocking PotentialPopular Psychology TopicsPsychology News

Influencing People: What Works to Change Behavior (and How It Applies to Parenting)

Without accurately understanding children’s behavior, we may intervene in ways that compound the situation, creating a control struggle on top of the original problem. To be effective in helping children, we must accurately diagnose the problem and be curious: What’s causing this behavior? Though they may look the same, a problem of defiance is handled differently than one of capacity. Learning difficulties involving executive functioning are neurologically based, but executive functioning is sensitive to and impeded by stress. Parents’ reactions can, in this way, become an additional impediment to children’s executive functioning.
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Dr. Lynn Margolies